FiVe oFFiCe eTiQueTTe TiPs

1. There’s nothing more annoying that a ringing phone that goes unanswered. If you don’t want to answer your phone put it on silent or divert calls to your answerphone. Also, keep your cell phone on vibrate because if I hear another rendition of the Crazy Frog ring tone, I will kill someone.

2. Office politics is unavoidable. Don’t let people undermine you or draw you into arguments. Let your achievements do the talking for you and make sure that the right people are aware of what you have accomplished without you needing to brag about it.

3. If you’re going to take lunch at your desk, keep it simple. A sandwich is best. Don’t go bringing in a homemade spicy chicken and pasta dish that’s going to stink up the office and annoy people. On the lunch subject, make sure you don’t disturb people with work-related problems when they’re on their lunch. They won’t thank you for it and you’ll be repaid in kind at a later date.

4. Always offer to make tea and coffee for your colleagues. If you don’t chip in and help out with drink rounds and buying in the milk, you may find that your “World’s Best Guy” mug mysteriously disappears, never to be seen again. You’ll also be seen as the cheapskate who won’t stump up for a bottle of milk. Evil eyes and anonymous hate e-mail will surely ensue.

5. If you do had sex with the insanely hot girl in Accounts and leave her, you better believe the office will be rife with talk about your lack of stamina and ‘pinky’ sized penis. You’ll look unprofessional to your bosses and, worse still, when an even hotter girl joins the Sales team, she’ll know about your indiscretions almost immediately and you’ll never have a chance with her